guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there's paper in my vomit.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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