Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
