so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
