I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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