I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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