the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
