Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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