I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
