YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
