pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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