It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
