Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize