And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
