I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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