This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
