I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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