I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
