The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
