i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
