we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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