is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
