he wants to bone in the snuggie
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
