im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
