You just made me feel so damn special
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
