I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
