you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
