if only i could text you this smell
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
