Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
