You made me cry and you don't even care
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
