I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
