i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
