you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
