What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
