if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
