He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
