i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
