at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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