I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
