meet me or not, i'm out of control
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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