i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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