There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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