I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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