so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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