Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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