what day is it and did you see me today?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize