Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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