The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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