I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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