You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
