this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
