he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
