I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
