everyone is single if you try hard enough
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
