I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize