so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
