i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
