they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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