I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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