He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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