At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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